Various Facebook funny lines #5

Number 4 is there, below comes number 5 🙂

I have no words to describe this day. I do, however, have a ton of obscene gestures.

Remember, you’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.

I do many things well, none of which generate income.

Religion should be outlawed: just send them in for medical treatment. After all, anyone who believes in some big invisible dude who can do anything is clearly nuts.

I’m not open to many people. I’m usually quiet and I don’t really like attention. So if I like you enough to show you the real me, you must be very special.

I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.

The government could fix everything that’s wrong with the country if they’d simply read my Facebook updates.

Sometimes, when dealing with people, you can’t help but stop and think, “Yup, I’m about to get my first assault charge”.

I danced like noone was watching, but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance.

You must be confusing me with the maid we don’t have.

Common sense is not a gift, it’s a punishment. Because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

I’m one bad relationship away from getting 30 cats and calling it a day.

Anyone who genuinely believes it is better to be dead from murder than traumatized by rape would advocate merciful euthanasia for rape victims.

Never act without evidence: assumptions are the mother of all fuckups.

Be strong enough to stand alone, be yourself enough to stand apart, but be wise enough to stand together when the time comes.

If President Obama really wants to hurt the Syrian government, he shouldn’t send cruise missiles, he should send over some of his economic advisers.

Obama voters are the reason we have to put directions on shampoo.

Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.