Time for another batch, I guess. FYI, the previous one was there.
Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people. (Eleanor Roosevelt)
Today, I will be as useless as the “g” in lasagna.
I hate getting up at stupid o’clock in the morning.
My kids’ favorite thing to play with is my patience.
Just remember, if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.
In alcohol’s defense, I’ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
This is by far your most fucked up idea ever… I’ll be there in 10 minutes.
People with ethics have little use for the state. The state has little use for people with ethics.
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
Trying to pick my favorite politician is like trying to decide which STD is just right for me.
You say you value your employees, but my paycheck determined that was a lie.
I’m glad the EPA raised the “safe” radiation levels, I was starting to worry about the Fukushima disaster.
I hate the phrase “kids will be kids”, I think it should be replaced with “bad parenting results in assholes”.
Based on how I react when toasts pop out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
Weird is a side-effect of awesome.
Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
Arguing with an engineer is a lot like wrestling in the mud with a pig: after a couple of hours, you realize the pig likes it.
Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog: in the end you gain a better understanding of how it works, but the frog doesn’t survive.
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